CASE NUMBER: KJT/MKL/02092017/C
Judge Louis Lamis enters court room.
Judge Louis: What do we have today?
Lawyer fred: Your honour, Vidus Parmus Lacrina, make I lie small Pandamus lacrity.
Judge Louis: What does that mean?
Lawyer Fred: Oh! It is greek. Meaning, I am entirely sad today because so much has happened.
Judge Louis: Okay, counsel. You may proceed with your case.
Lawyer Fred: Thank you, your honour. Your honour, In fact, I am highly flummoxed and disoriented by this single act of the national soccer team to put the nation in shambles. Your honour, in fact, for today, I am two in one.
Lawyer Nti: Objection your hona! Your hona, this man is try to use big Engrish to distin, confuse you small.???
Judge Louis: It’s okay. Move on, counsel.
Judge Louis: But wait.. What do you mean by that, plaintiff?
Lawyer Fred: By what?
Judge Louis: By saying you are two in one.
Lawyer Fred: Oh! Your honour, It means I am my own client and my own counsel today. And Today, I am here to sue the defendant, Mr. Asamoah ‘Baby Jet’ Gyan for leading a team which caused heavy pain to Ghanaians on a holiday.
Judge Louis: On what counts?
Lawyer Fred: On a holiday like this, Ghanaians including myself prefer to go partying or chill off but with this big mess, the day has be ruined. So please, charge them with:
1.Deliberate waste of time
2.Deliberate distribution of first class pain at the speed of light.
And let him compensate me with 50,000 cedis.
Judge Louis: Defence counsel, any statement?
Lawyer Nti (Ex qualista): Your hona, today I come to this court in white white because me my eyes get .?
Judge Louis: What’s the meaning of that?
Lawyer Nti: Your hona, you too you do sometins sometimes, me I no understand your style. This small things too you don know. Oo Aba!
Judge Louis: Counsel, mind your speech.
Lawyer Nti: Me, I mind my speech. You too mind your speech. This thing I talk small boys understand. Why big man rike you no understand? Anyways, It mean (M’ani agye)??
Judge Louis: Oh okay. I understand. But next time you speak to me that way, I’ll call up Punisher. You may continue with your statement.
Lawyer Nti: Thank you, your hona. Me, Ghana peoples say they make sad but me and my crient, we are happy kuraa. Light now self, distin, my crient give me 5000 before we come here. So me, I know I win this case.
Judge Louis: You mean your client gave you 5,000 what?
Lawyer Nti: Ah! Your hona, 5000 what se s3n? E no be Ghana we dey? We are chopping Dorrar In Ghana? I mean 5000 celis!
Judge Louis: Really? I see. So what is the point?
Lawyer Nti: Thank you, your hona. Ghana people must pay me and my crient 60,000 each if I finish this case. You agree?
Judge Louis: What? Pay you? For what?
Lawyer Nti: Massa, Gyae. Even the 60,000 is too small. Now, I change it. 80,000. You agree????
Judge Louis: Okay, Okay. Fine! Go on.
Lawyer Nti: 3h3n! Now you are talk. So, I want to closs examination the defen… distin. This maen??
Judge Louis: You mean the defendant?
Lawyer Nti: Yes.The defendaent.
Judge Louis: Good, carry on.
Lawyer Nti: Stand up straight! Why, you dlink Akpeteshie???
Lawyer Fred: Objection! Your honour, my learned colleague here is trying to abuse me and I take serious exceptions to that.
Judge Louis: Objection Upheld. Counsel, the next time you use such derogatory words here, I would make sure you get 50 strokes. Is that clear?
Lawyer nti: crear, your honour. Now, you this maen. You know how much government pay prayers for small ball they pray?
Lawyer Fred: No. But why that?
Lawyer Nti: You know how much government pay prayers for qualifying for well cup?
Lawyer Fred: No.
Lawyer Nti: You know how much government pay players for winning match for world cup? 3ny3 Agoroo Asem oo.??
Lawyer Fred: It is around 25,000 dollars per player.
Lawyer Nti: Aha! That one you know small. You know how many people government sponsor to watch match for world cup?
Lawyer Fred: No.
Lawyer Nti: Your hona, check this errr.. this distins, all the information is on top for me to win this case.
Judge Louis: You mean you are tendering your exhibits?
Lawyer Nti: Yes! Your hona, government pay more than 5 billion dollars for this world cup so my crient and the team don want to spoil government money so they draw the match so that government get money to pay the new distin.. Teacherfuor.
(Turns to Asamoah Gyan) : Not so?
(He answers in the affirmative)
So your hona, I am arrested my case.
Judge Louis: Thank you counsel.
Lawyer Nti: So tell me if I win this case.☹
Judge Louis: Yes, You have won your second case in my court.
Lawyer Nti: Yieee!!!!????